Peter Kay Quotes

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Drofder2004
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Peter Kay Quotes

Post by Drofder2004 » August 25th, 2006, 3:18 am

Got this in an email from a mate...

:D

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1. Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?
2. Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
3. Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
4. Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
5. Why do they use sterilised needles for death by lethal injection?
6. Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
7. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a gun at him?
8. Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
9. Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
10. What is the speed of darkness?
11. Are there specially reserved parking spaces for "normal" people at the Special Olympics?
12. If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?
13. If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?
14. If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
15. If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?
16. Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?
17. If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation?
18. Can you cry under water?
19. What level of importance must a person have, before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
20. If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?
21. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
22. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it could be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases?
23. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up, like, every two hours?
24. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
25. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

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Post by Soviet » August 25th, 2006, 4:42 am

a few of those are interesting, but most are obvious or just annoying

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Post by Pedsdude » August 25th, 2006, 3:07 pm

Indeed, quite a few are funny but others have clear answers, which despite my original intentions I'm not going to post, as I may appear to be big-headed :roll:
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Post by aicaramba » August 25th, 2006, 3:38 pm

What they said ^^
P.S.V. Kampioen!

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Post by Drofder2004 » August 25th, 2006, 4:31 pm

Wow, they're are meant to be ironic funny not fucking joke funny >.<

Obviously all of them have an obvious answer... some people just don't get it :roll:
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Post by Pedsdude » August 25th, 2006, 5:32 pm

Yeah but I'm just saying, I don't particularly find something funny if it is majorly flawed, that's all ;)
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Post by teebag » August 25th, 2006, 7:00 pm

Another good1 I found on the internet

Why does Bagration come back to CJ after getting banned, hacked and hated by all?
That's why my brother's computer doesn't need anti-virus software; 450MHz P3 doesn't meet virus's system requirements.

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Post by Soviet » August 25th, 2006, 11:05 pm

Pedsdude wrote:Yeah but I'm just saying, I don't particularly find something funny if it is majorly flawed, that's all ;)
well put pedseepoo

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Post by Drofder2004 » August 26th, 2006, 3:17 am

teebag wrote:Why does Bagration come back to CJ after getting banned, hacked and hated by all?
Maybe to try and earn respect back for being a total idiot?
This is an answer you may like to share, but the question is only really possible to answer for yourself.
Yeah but I'm just saying, I don't particularly find something funny if it is majorly flawed, that's all
All comedy is flawed.

Lets look at some classics.
One of the funniest sketches, the "Dead Parrot Sketch" from Monty Python, erm, its a parrot thats obviously dead, yet the seller argues its alive.

What about that usual jokes about "Jews, Christians and muslims on a plane". If you have those 3 on a plane, none of them would fucking talk to each other!

Comedy is suppose to be flawed, thats what so fucking funny, if it wasnt flawed then it would be real life. >.<
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Post by Pedsdude » August 27th, 2006, 12:38 am

Drofder2004 wrote:
Yeah but I'm just saying, I don't particularly find something funny if it is majorly flawed, that's all
All comedy is flawed.

Lets look at some classics.
One of the funniest sketches, the "Dead Parrot Sketch" from Monty Python, erm, its a parrot thats obviously dead, yet the seller argues its alive.

What about that usual jokes about "Jews, Christians and muslims on a plane". If you have those 3 on a plane, none of them would fucking talk to each other!

Comedy is suppose to be flawed, thats what so fucking funny, if it wasnt flawed then it would be real life. >.<
I didn't find the Dead Parrot Sketch funny (no it's not because I have my own parrot ;)). My comment was referring to those kind of "Why do they have ........ when ......" type quotes, where the comedian is trying to be too clever for his own good, as opposed to jokes where it is flawed, but still funny, if you follow me :lol:

My favourite comedian is Jack Dee:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=PU045dzgrbs
http://youtube.com/watch?v=fvsSnco-_3k
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Post by Drofder2004 » August 27th, 2006, 12:43 am

Jack dee is hilarious. King of 1 liners!

Peter Kay is more of a story teller comedian... both imo are funny.
but nobody beats Jimmy Carr, god of comedy ;)

(Get his DVD's)
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Post by Pedsdude » August 27th, 2006, 12:46 am

I've got Jack Dee live at the apollo on DVD :) Sometimes I like Jimmy Carr, other times I don't tbh. I find Peter Kay funny too, but I didn't find some of those jokes funny, that's all.

THE most funny bit of tv ever:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=w2R02e4xRyA
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Post by Drofder2004 » August 27th, 2006, 2:15 am

Pedsdude wrote:I've got Jack Dee live at the apollo on DVD :) Sometimes I like Jimmy Carr, other times I don't tbh. I find Peter Kay funny too, but I didn't find some of those jokes funny, that's all.

THE most funny bit of tv ever:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=w2R02e4xRyA
Funny but not the funniest...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=YIrAim8cl9Y& ... ed&search=
^ that is! :D
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Post by Pedsdude » August 27th, 2006, 2:21 pm

Drofder2004 wrote:
Pedsdude wrote:I've got Jack Dee live at the apollo on DVD :) Sometimes I like Jimmy Carr, other times I don't tbh. I find Peter Kay funny too, but I didn't find some of those jokes funny, that's all.

THE most funny bit of tv ever:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=w2R02e4xRyA
Funny but not the funniest...

http://youtube.com/watch?v=YIrAim8cl9Y& ... ed&search=
^ that is! :D
Haha yes, agreed :D

And it's parrot Sam ;)
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Post by Ownia » August 27th, 2006, 9:07 pm

Cmon Pablo Francisco ftw.
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Inferiority of the voice inside made me turn my back on...

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